#FlashFictionFriday – Vol. 48: THE PICK UP ARTIST

flash fic 48

This is for week forty-eight of the flash fiction challenge by Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers, check out their blog and join in or read others’ posts and be inspired.

I love this picture. A perfect spot for a love connection 😉 And as in my last flash fiction piece it gave me a chance to work on some dialogue.

Read mine below and feel free to leave a comment. Enjoy!

THE PICK UP ARTIST (151 words)

Bodies rubbed against bodies, much to Kelly’s distaste. Why had she agreed to go with Liz to the bars? The bathroom line was too long, her hair wreaked of smoke, the bartender was definitely ignoring her, and she hated crowded rooms.

“Can I get a beer?” she shouted for the third time.

“You’re doing it wrong.”

Kelly looked up into a pair of brown eyes and dimpled cheeks. She didn’t pick up guys at bars. With an eye roll, she turned and headed for the balcony.

“You forgot this.” The stranger handed her a bottle.

“How do I know—”

He popped the cap off in front of her then grinned.

Kelly took a long swig. “Thanks.”


Kelly hated small talk—she just wasn’t good at it.

“Well…good night,” he said.


Jason turned around.

Kelly sighed. “What’s your major?” Worst. Line. Ever.

But to her surprise, Jason smiled back.

Can’t wait to read more? Check out my other flash fiction posts here.


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17 Responses to #FlashFictionFriday – Vol. 48: THE PICK UP ARTIST

  1. LOL! Great story Vanessa. Maybe Jason can change her bad mood to a good mood!


  2. Pick up lines always sound cheesy and wrong, but they sometimes manage to work. I hope it works out for her.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Graham Lawrence says:

    Now that what I call a great (non) ending. Well done. Very elegant.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. mandibelle16 says:

    Are you going to continue the story in other posts? It’s a great beginning. When I was younger and going to bars all weekend long I used to deteste and often feel sick from all the smoke in the air, plus, when you were drunk and tired u had to come home and have a shower because one couldn’t sleep because one reeked so badly of smoke. I was lucky that about when I was twenty they banned smoking in bars, made the whole experience way better. We went to a country bar once I remember in a town outside of the city and they still had smoking inside. Really makes you aware of how bad it was, when your not used to it. Great writing. Sorry for long comment.

    Liked by 1 person

    • married2arod says:

      Same here. I wrote it based more on my experience of bars in my twenties. Where I live now, smoking isn’t allowed. I hadn’t considered continuing the story line in future challenges. But if a picture prompts for a story of Kelly or Jason later in their lives, I may have to. 😉
      Thanks for reading!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Etol Bagam says:

    Maybe he’s so passionate about his major that her question will work… ;o) Nice story.


  6. Thanks for sharing the prompt with us today! I have shared your post on twitter! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. jademwong says:

    So cute! I’d love to find out what happens next.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Martin Flux says:

    Definitely needs a sequel! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Well there must be something attracting her.

    Liked by 1 person

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