#FlashFictionFriday – Vol. 10: TOO LATE

At the BART photo credit: Vanessa Rodriguez

At the BART
photo credit: Vanessa Rodriguez

It’s week ten of the flash fiction challenge by Flash Fiction for Aspiring Artists, check out their blog and join in or read other’s posts and be inspired. You never know what can happen on the platform at the train station. Sometimes it’s what you least expect.

Read mine below and feel free to leave a comment. Enjoy!

TOO LATE (151 words)

Like the stampede of a herd of elephants, my heart pounded in my chest. The smell of urine and the stench of rotten garbage engulfed me as my heels took the steps two at a time until they reached the platform. The screech of the BART screamed in my ears, car after car flying past me. Like a bullet. My hair whipped back. My floral skirt swirling around me.

Too late, I’d missed my train. And my last chance to see Luke again. He’d board his flight and I’d be on an empty platform at the airport. Those eyes, those lips. Why had I realized there could be more than friendship a train too late?

I turned to return home, a lonely trip. Only to find my eyes met by a pair of blue ones. Stubbled face, mussed brown hair. And the familiar slope of broad shoulders.

“You stayed,” I whispered.


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17 Responses to #FlashFictionFriday – Vol. 10: TOO LATE

  1. Creatopath says:

    This was fantastic Vanessa! Her pounding heart, running up the stairs two at a time and then the agony of missing the train. I’m so glad he was there when she got home! Nice surprise ending.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. great! so descriptive and naturally flowing

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love this Vanessa. I felt so bad for her for missing the train, then you gave the perfect ending. Excellent!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. afairymind says:

    This is really good – well written and gripping. I felt her sorrow as she thought she’d never see him again and her relief when she turned and saw him. Well done. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. milliethom says:

    Very well written. Your story is fast paced and very descriptive, with a lovely happy ending. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. LifeLoofah says:

    Great short story! I’ve only recently been introduced to the concept of flash fiction, but I’m thoroughly enjoying what I’m seeing!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Tastyniblets says:

    wow loved this one – fantastic use of imagery – great job!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I felt her relief and joy to find that he stayed for her. Nicely done.

    Liked by 1 person

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